5 Ways To Put the Children First During a Break-Up

When it comes to separating, whether you are in a long-term relationship or are divorcing, it is important if you have children to consider their well-being. Divorce is never easy for a family unit, and when there are children involved, it can create unique and very difficult challenges for them, for you, and your former spouse.

As you can imagine, if these challenges are left unchecked, or your children are put on the back shelf (so to speak) while you separate, this can lead to issues in the long term relating to behavior and family dynamics, which is the last thing you want.

So, with that in mind, here are five ways you can put your children first during a break-up and make it as smooth as possible for them.

Listen to The Children

It is fair to say that children are more emotive than adults.

Simply put, they do not have the logic filter that many people take for granted later in life. So, when you and your partner are beginning to separate or divorce, your children are likely to become very angry and very sad. Rather than chastise them for these completely normal emotions, listen to them and give them the space to talk about how they are feeling. You may be surprised at how cathartic this experience will be for both of you, and this will also allow you the opportunity to talk to them clearly about how you are feeling.

For more tips on doing this with children of different ages, look at Two Healthy Homes – Co Parenting Advice for guidance.

Stay Engaged

When you are stressed, it is likely that you are going to feel overwhelmed, and nowhere is this more apparent than when you are separating or divorcing from a long-term relationship. One way you can continue to put your children first is to engage with them on a daily basis. Don’t let them slip through the cracks of your life, and aim to spend as much time with them as you can, as well as show interest in their hobbies and their school life. This will help to cement relationships and prevent them from coming under strain.

Spend Time Together

If you and your former spouse are still on good terms, aim to spend time together with them and your child(ren) as a family unit.

Also, aim to have your children spend time with their grandparents on both sides, so they will see that you and your partner separating will not impact negatively on how much everyone loves them, which will be good for their mental well-being.

Give Them Space

This is one of the harder steps for parents.

If, during the separation process, your child wants to be left alone, give them space. Of course, make sure they are safe, but give them the mental and physical room to work things out for themselves. Don’t force your presence, as this will cause resentment long-term.

Keep Your Own Emotions in Check

If you get into a shouting match with your children, this is not only not putting them first, but it can cause fractures that may be hard to heal.

So, if you are struggling with emotions, be sure to see a therapist or hang out with a good friend in your spare time. This will give you the space to explore your own emotions without getting your kids involved in adult issues.