How to Respond to Family and Friends that Don’t Agree with Surrogacy
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In recent years, surrogacy motherhood has come out of the shadows and is the subject of ongoing discussions, both among ordinary citizens and at the government level. If a woman decides to become a gestational carrier or surrogate mother, she and her family will have to answer a lot of tactful and not-so-subtle questions not only from friends and family but also from strangers.
Feskov Human Reproduction Group always supports their surrogate mothers through a variety of guaranteed surrogacy programs. Let us look at how we can respond to certain comments and observations on the subject.
How do you explain surrogate motherhood to your family?
It is clear that such a difficult decision cannot be made without the consent of the partner, so you can tell your husband and next of kin, your friends, and everything as it is at the very beginning of the process. Because knowledge of specific details and nuances can help in the decision-making process and further planning of medical activities and the pregnancy itself. All others, not very close friends and acquaintances, can be informed when the pregnancy is obvious.
This subject is very interesting to discuss at any meeting, and almost everyone has an authoritative opinion about it. It is desirable to be proud of your role and to be fully confident in the right choice. You can emphasize that this is a carefully thought-out option that will bring invaluable experience to both your own family and prospective parents.
As for strangers in shops, gyms, and other places, it is not necessary to inform them about your surrogate mission. And in general, you can ask them not to ask tactless questions, especially if you meet each other by chance.
Surrogate mother’s vision
According to surrogate mums, it is very important to have the consent and support of your decision in the family. The husband may not even understand the intricacies of the process itself, the main thing is that he helps and is positive.
Many mums do not tell anyone that this is not their child. They should not care what other people think. It is their right to ignore embarrassing questions and comments. You can answer half-truths by describing only your condition and emotions, without revealing the whole point. But some strangers see this as an invitation to ask specific personal questions that may seem insensitive and offensive.
Depending on the type of personality and the mood of the surrogate mother, we will get to know how to react to curiosity about your person.
Below are some examples of reactions from a surrogate motherhood counselor:
- with humor. Some mummies wear clothes with an arrow on them, with the indication on their bellies and the inscription “not mine”. When a couple is asked at a party or shop when a baby is due, their husband answers: “I don’t know, it’s not my baby”;
- seriously. In this case, the woman honestly talks about her sympathy for the other family and the joy of seeing the happiness on their faces;
- information. Some ladies like to make clear to everyone about the issue, dividing it into medicine, law, and how it integrates. In their understanding, negative attitudes come from a lack of awareness;
- joyful from joint family activities. For them, it is an occasion to involve their children in the process in order to help others;
- remotely. Most surrogates prefer to ignore curiosity and distance themselves from people who are against it.
All approaches can be used separately or together, depending on the mood.
Answers to common questions
So that the surrogate mother and her loved ones have an idea of the most frequently asked questions, we have created the following guide with answers to them:
- How can a child be born and then given away? The idea that motherly love begins in the womb and that it will be very difficult to give away a newborn baby has been firmly established in the minds of many people. You can answer how the mother admires her restraint and purposefulness. That she initially saw the baby as a baby of intended parents and herself as a perinatal nurse who helps the baby in the early stages of life;
- How did the pregnancy happen? Also, People often do not understand the process of surrogate motherhood and the scientific and medical achievements behind every surrogate pregnancy. Their curiosity is fuelled by the fact that the mother and the intended father have made the child a natural way. It should be clearly explained that the procedure for creating embryos is done clinically in the doctor’s office. It can even be clarified that her husband and future parents were all together at this exciting moment and we’re happy that the transfer was successful.
Surrogate mothers help unite families
- How much money do the future parents pay? The commercial nature of the service has so far generated fierce public debate. It should be explained that on the part of the surrogate mother it is a very important and valuable service that requires significant sacrifices and hard work. And the future parents have agreed to this postulate and have come to a compromise on the cost of this work. It is also possible to tell about personal reasons for this decision, how great it is to help people in this meaningful way;
- What do your own children think about this? Usually, people are shy about talking about conception and birth with children, so it is difficult for them to imagine explanations of such a subject. You can answer that the woman has involved her children in the process and this is a family challenge. That such an example of dedication, generosity and teamwork will be a useful experience and will help understand different ways of creating families;
- Is it possible to take the child back to yourself? It should be remembered that this is not the child of a surrogate mother and that her goal from the very beginning was to help other people create families. And all the rights to the baby have belonged and will continue to belong to its parents. At the same time, Mother is just happy that she will take care of the baby until it goes home with its real parents.
The experience of surrogate motherhood also varies from family to family. Only a surrogate mother can decide when, where and with whom to share her secret.
Under the terms of surrogate programs, with guarantees of birth to a normal baby at a fixed price, both future parents and surrogate mothers can always count on 24-hour help from Feskov Human Reproduction Group. We do our best to make sure that participants feel comfortable and calm throughout the event.