Table of Contents
- 1 Five signs that indicate you are ready to forgive your ex-spouse or the circumstances that led to your divorce.
- 2 Five Signs You Are Ready to Forgive After Divorce
Five signs that indicate you are ready to forgive your ex-spouse or the circumstances that led to your divorce.
One of my clients promptly asked me a question that put me into deep thinking and that is: “When do you begin to understand that you are ready to forgive someone? For a moment I completely zoned out and had no idea what to say. It also causes me to wonder what forgiveness entails.
Forgiveness is often portrayed as a difficult, emotional process. But through research and experience, I see that forgiveness is an intentional, deliberate decision to release, transform, and let go. It is an art to learn and forgive the people who caused you harm. Not because they deserved to be forgiven but for yourself not to carry this burden with them all the time. There’s an old saying: forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means we need to stop bothering those who’ve hurt us and to keep in mind the valuable lessons the experience brought us.
Over the years, I have realized that forgiveness comes within. it falls in the “Times heals everything” category. It surely does. Considering how difficult and painful forgiveness can be, the question of whether or not you’re ever ready to forgive is deeply personal, specifically when you have gone through abuse, addiction, adultery, or divorce. The answer is never clear and may have profound implications for your happiness. So, when do we know that we are ready to forgive and how?
As of now, the two definitions sum up the concept of forgiveness so well. Firstly, it is more about you than about them. By forgiving you are not setting them free but yourself. Secondly, forgiveness does not validate the right and wrong of a person. It just sets you free from having no grudges. Based on this definition, Below I have discussed the five signs when you are ready to forgive someone.
1. You concentrate on the lesson learned rather than loss
After a long time of grieving over a loss. There always comes a day when you start focusing on the lesson you have learned from the loss rather than the actual loss. A sequence of questions begins in your mind. What lesson is this situation trying to teach me? Were the reasons accurate enough that led me to this decision? All these painful experiences that were hard to pass initially are now helping you to transform yourself. As the old saying goes, “pain transforms people”.
When you finally cut yourself off from a toxic partner/ relationship where you have completely lost your self-respect. People usually tend to reinvent themselves through pain. They begin to see on the brighter side. In my experience, I have made a better understanding of human behaviour, self-improvement by coaching people going through a divorce. This betterment eventually prepares you to forgive the other person.
2. You are more focused on your life than his/her
You can’t entirely cut yourself off from your ex-spouse as a divorced parent with children. You must confront them. Even yet, you won’t be able to prevent it in such a case. You can, however, avoid it to the greatest extent possible.
My children used Facetime and met my ex-husband after we divorced. I can’t entirely separate myself from the situation because I live in a small apartment. It used to bother me when I saw a happy couple displaying their love, affection, and happiness for one another. I used to wonder how it was possible, given that our divorce was just a year old.
But, as time has passed, things have changed. Rather than concentrating on the past, I am more engaged in my own life, future, work, and goals. Do I still feel sorry about it now that I look back on it? Certainly, I do. However, I am focusing my attention on what is most important to me and my children say Angelina who filed her divorce in North Carolina.
3. You wish good for them
When you’ve had enough of your anger or grief for a specific amount of time. You now wish them well. You no longer silently pray for them to suffer because of the circumstances they have put you in. So now, being the bigger person, you’re getting better at dealing with pain. You wish your ex-spouse luck in the next phase of his or her life. You have no resentments and are looking forward to the next phase of your life. You were fully aware that it was bound to happen, and it did.
4. Your children are your priority
When your ex-partner and you are no longer together. It is natural to acquire hate for the other person. You sincerely want your ex to suffer in your rage and hatred. Seeing the other person suffer makes you feel as if it’s their turn to repay you, and they certainly deserve it. Your child suffers as a result of your anger, separation, and wishing ill things for your ex-spouse. When both parents hate one other, a child’s well-being is impossible to achieve. You must learn to let go of the hatred that is causing your child’s mental health to suffer. You love your children more than you hate your ex-husband. Putting hate aside, your children and their well-being should be your top priority in such situations.
5. It’s not the other person that needs forgiveness, but you
After the traumatic event of divorce, it is all too easy to point the finger at the other person. Even if the other person is to blame for the divorce, you have the option of choosing which side of the story you want to focus on. It is not the other person who needs to forgive, but you. Yes! You can believe that you have to forgive the person who has wronged you. However, in my own experience, the sooner we recognize that we are the ones who need to forgive ourselves, the better. I used to be embarrassed by myself for the mistreatment I’d received and what my children had to undergo as a result. But, after a while, I recognized that I needed to forgive to be free. So, I did and moved forward.
So, how can you tell if you’re ready for forgiveness? You’ve seen everything, and no one is a greater critic than you. Allow yourself and the other person to be forgiven and set free.