Human beings are complex creatures, and their relationships can often seem tangled and messy. Whenever two people enter a romantic relationship, the last thing on their minds is a potential breakup. However, conflict and miscommunication issues can often result in very hard goodbyes.
So what is the best way to deal with a breakup? Are there any tips for those going through this scary transition?
1. The zero-contact rule
One of the best tips when it comes to breakups – and probably what all your friends and family will wisely advise – is to stop contact with your ex-partner. It does not matter if yours was a friendly breakup, you two still need time to recover and accept the fact that you’re no longer sharing your time with that person.
Many people try to avoid this step altogether or just go halfway in – whether this means stalking their ex on social media, or even asking friends and family to gather information for them. However, these behaviours will only make it more difficult for those involved in the breakup. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is the key when splitting up with a partner. Don’t let curiosity get the better of you.
2. Try to forgive, even if it’s difficult
When you think of people that don’t hold any importance in your life – whether an old friend with whom you haven’t spoken in years, or that neighbour you haven’t seen in forever – you probably don’t have any feelings towards them. No love or interest, but also no hate or resentment.
This is someone who doesn’t have any relevance in your life, so they cannot generate any strong personal feelings.
Even if your partner didn’t treat you how you deserved, or if they’ve been deceitful in the relationship, try to forgive them their faults. Don’t do it for them, as you will no longer know about their lives, but do it for yourself and for the peace of mind you do deserve.
3. Wite a list of all the things that were wrong with the relationship
Human brains are some of the most complex and misunderstood machines in the world, and they can make it very difficult for us when we’re trying to move on. When splitting up with a romantic partner, we tend to idealise the person we’re letting go. This happens because of complicated brain chemistry, which is basically trying to prevent us from a potential ‘threat’. Human brains see solitude as a potential risk, as people are often safer when surrounded by bigger groups and those who love and therefore protect them.
A good way to break this ‘idealised’ version of our partner and our lost relationship is to write down a list of all the things your ex-partner couldn’t or wouldn’t give you. Whenever you’re very sad about the current situation – which will happen, and it’s totally normal – just review the list and remind yourself why that person wasn’t right for you.
4. Seek mental health support if needed
Many people think of breakups as childish business, but it’s a potential cause for depression among the adult population. The truth is that breakups hurt – a lot. Don’t be ashamed to look for professional help, someone who is prepared to help you go through this difficult time and come out stronger.
If you were married to your ex-partner, you should also seek legal advice in your local area. Although this type of help is easier to find in big cities such as Manchester or London, any town will have highly competent divorce-specialised solicitors that can help you with your case.
Finally, if you’re going through a breakup at the moment, just remember this: you’ve probably split up with people in the past, and you’ve recovered. This time won’t be different and you will get through.
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